


Learn to Live With the Unimaginable

by defragmentise (croixsouillees), spirithorse



Series: Kingmaker [6]
Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, M/M, past mentions of m-preg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-02-17 04:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13069566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/croixsouillees/pseuds/defragmentise, https://archiveofourown.org/users/spirithorse/pseuds/spirithorse
Summary: The Long War is over. The Emperor and his dragon are gone.In the aftermath, Mikleo tries to find his equilibrium and raise his daughter.





	1. Cover

**Author's Note:**

> This came out of wanting to do a little bit more with Mikleo while he’s mourning in Kingmaker and inspired by _It’s Quiet Uptown_ from the Hamilton soundtrack. All of these one-shots take place between Chapter 26 and the Epilogue, save for the last one which occurs after the first bit of the Epilogue.
> 
> I'll be posting updates every Tuesday afternoon in my timezone. I hope you enjoy!

 

 


	2. Chapter 1

“There are moments that the words don’t reach  
There is suffering too terrible to name  
You hold your child as tight as you can  
And push away the unimaginable.”  
\- _It’s Quiet Uptown_ , Hamilton

* * *

 

It was a hell of screaming and malevolence. Mikleo couldn’t think over the screams, nor could he look away. He’d never seen a human in his life, he’d always been surrounded by seraphim, but he’d heard stories. And they’d all been true.

He clamped a hand over his mouth, not sure if he was holding back a scream or keeping out the smell of blood. It was everywhere, over the grass of Elysia, in the claws of the hellions, bright red in the sunlight.

He shook his head, freezing when another soldier pitched forward, borne to the ground by a hellion. The human screamed as the hellion bit down, the human twitching before going still. Mikleo stared with wide eyes at the blood that stained the soldier’s back, his stomach turning as he saw the bits of white among the red. He looked away from the body, but the hellion wasn’t much better. The tiger-like hellion snarled and took a step forward, right onto the body of the human.

Mikleo heard something in the human snap, a squeak escaping him. He swayed in place for a moment before turning and running. He heard the hellion snarl behind him, the sound making him run faster. Mikleo sprinted through the carnage, looking desperately from side-to-side.

There was Lawrence, who would always carry him around on his shoulders, thrown screaming to the ground by a hellion. And he was still screaming when the hellion tore into him.

There was Myrna, who had taken him down to the river every day, surrounded by chanting soldiers.

There was Taccio, who had told him stories every time he had asked, being pulled into a sword only for it to shatter a moment later.

There were Loanna and Mason, the ones that had always had time to play with him, lying on the ground, staring sightlessly up at the sky. They were gone a moment later in bright flashes of light that made Mikleo reach up to cover his eyes.

He jerked his hand down, his eyes widening as he saw a soldier standing in front of him. Mikleo lunged to the side, sprinting past the soldier as they started to chant. Mikleo only got a few steps past them before something latched onto him and _pulled_.

He jerked to a stop, wrapping his arms around himself. It didn’t help because the pull became more insistent. Mikleo breathed heavily as he tried to resist it, but the call was too strong.

And it was terrifying.

Mikleo whimpered and leaned forward, trying his best to get further away from the sound of the soldier’s voice. “H-help.”

His plea came out as a croak, the sound lost among the screams. Mikleo bit his lip, feeling tears starting to stream down his face.

Then, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise, the air around him crackling in a familiar way.

“LET HIM GO!”

Lightning arced down from the sky, striking the soldier and cutting them off.

Mikleo stumbled forward, scratching at his arms as the pull disappeared. He turned, reaching out when the seraph strode towards him. “Gramps!”

Zenrus took his hand, holding it so tightly that it hurt, but Mikleo didn’t care. As long as Gramps was around, he was safe. He pressed himself as close to Zenrus as he could get, stumbling along beside him. Mikleo could hear Gramps talking, but he couldn’t make out the words. They were drowned underneath the screams and the snarls.

He rubbed his cheek against Gramps’ arm, holding onto him for dear life as they picked their way through the battlefield. Mikleo whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the sounds of fighting and the loud snap-crack of Zenrus’ lightning.

Then, abruptly, he was being shoved away. Mikleo stumbled backwards, falling back as lighting struck down around them. He curled into a ball, shivering through the worst of it before he dared to peek out.

Gramps was standing in front of him, lighting cracking down onto the heads of humans and hellions alike. Mikleo stared up at the display before looking at Gramps’ shoulders, watching as they jerked up at down. At first, he thought that it was with anger, but then he saw the way that Gramps was slumping forward in exhaustion. If Gramps kept this up, he would die and Mikleo couldn’t imagine that. It was a future that he didn’t dare to think about. He was already losing so much, surely he would be allowed to have one thing, one of his family left to him.

Mikleo rolled onto his knees, reaching out for Gramps. “Please, don’t-”

The loud crack of lightning drowned out his last word, but it didn’t matter. In the sharp, white light he saw Gramps tip forward and then he seemed to dissolve into the lightning itself.

Mikleo screamed, lunging forward only to have his fingers close around nothing. He rocked onto his hands and knees, gasping for breath. Mikleo clawed his fingers through the grass, searching anything that was left of Gramps, getting more frantic the longer he searched.

Gramps couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t be.

Mikleo chocked back a wail, looking around Elysia. He couldn’t see any seraphim, only soldiers. Mikleo shook his head, looking around desperately. They couldn’t all be gone, it was impossible. One of them had to have escaped.

His whole family couldn’t have disappeared.

He could feel his panic building, waves of fear, loss and anger rolling and mixing together until he couldn’t tell them apart. All that he knew was that he hurt and it was the humans’ fault.

Mikleo snarled and focused on the soldiers. He could feel his anger building, Mikleo reaching out to the water around him. It would be so easy to send them the rest of the way down the mountain. Most of the soldiers were already retreating, all save for one.

Mikleo jerked his attention to the soldier, untangling one hand from the grass. He lifted it up, not bothering to concentrate on a particular arte, he just wanted water and a lot of it. Enough water to drown the soldier where they stood. He wanted the soldier to lose something as precious and important to him as Mikleo’s family had been.

He thrust his arm forward, but no arte came. Instead something splattered on his face, Mikleo recoiling at the coppery scent of blood. He reached up with a shaking hand to wipe it off. Mikleo stared at the blood on his fingers before looking up.

Mikleo his blood run cold at the sight of the human in the red coat. He traced out the circles and lines in gold, his anger dissolving away into short, panicked breaths. He _knew_ that coat.

He stared at the impaled man, shaking his head as sobs wracked his body. He reached out to him, curling his fingers into the red coat. “S-Sorey…”

Sorey twitched, Mikleo tugging harder on the coat. He wanted Sorey close and in his arms. He wanted to heal him before Sorey slipped through his fingers too.

Mikleo rocked further up into his knees, trying to get a better hold on Sorey. He had a blissful moment when Sorey was nearly in his arms, the end of the sword resting on his shoulder. Then Sorey was pulled away from him, Mikleo scrambling to hold on as the soldier drew the sword out of him. For a moment, he thought he saw Rose’s face on the soldier, but then it was gone as quickly as it appeared. And so was Sorey.

Mikleo jerked his gaze away from the soldier, a sob working its way up his throat. He couldn’t see Sorey, but it was hard to pick out red among all the red that had soaked Elysia. All of the soldiers were reading red, all of them standing with their backs to him. Any of them could be his Sorey.

Mikleo dropped his hand to the ground, ignoring that shudder that ran through him. Everyone was gone, and he was alone on the mountain again. His fingers twitched in the grass, Mikleo looking up at the soldier. He snarled, drawing himself up. He was going to take back what he was owed in blood, malevolence be damned.

He raised his head, hesitating at the sight of the small bundle that the soldier was holding. He felt dread build in his stomach as a little arm flailed out. He was goaded into motion as the baby started crying, Mikleo getting up onto his feet. They had taken everyone else, but he wasn’t about to let her be taken.

“Give her back.”

The soldier didn’t respond, Mikleo quickly losing his patience. “Give her back to me, now!”

The soldier turned on their heel and started walking away. Mikleo snarled and lunged forward, only to be jerked back as something took a hold of him and _pulled_. He stumbled to a stop, glaring over his shoulder at the soldier that was standing behind him. The binding words rolled of their tongue easily, Mikleo struggling against it. He leaned against the pull, but the command was strong and Mikleo could feel himself fraying at the edges.

He turned back around, his stomach dropping when he saw that the other soldiers was already far down the mountain, the cape of the Platinum Knights fluttering out behind them. He reached out towards them, trying to cross the distance even as he was forced backwards.

“Bring her back. _Please_. Selene. SELENE!”

* * *

“Selene!”

Mikleo jerked upright, panting for breath as he looked around. He halfway expected to be stuck in a seraphic weapon, but he found himself in his room. It was familiar, part of the house in Camlann. He was safe and all of the soldiers were far away.

He sat up and leaned forward, pressing his forehead against his knees. He was still breathing heavily and in a cold sweat from his nightmare. Mikleo shook his head, pressing his forehead harder against his knees as he shook.

It was a dream, just a dream, but it had felt real enough. Mikleo could still feel the tears running down his cheeks. Still hear the screams ringing in his ears. Still feel Sorey’s blood on his face. He could still hear Selene crying.

He took a shaky breath, closing his eyes. He tried to use the darkness and the silence to center himself. Except that it wasn’t quiet.

He could still hear Selene crying.

Mikleo lifted his head, throwing the blankets away from him at a loud wail. He stumbled out of bed and towards the door. Mikleo managed to get his feet under him as he stepped out into the hall, but he didn’t give himself time to adjust. He sprinted towards Selene’s room, calling out to her as he ran. “Hold on, bun! Hold on!”

The reassurance didn’t seem to help, Mikleo sure that Selene started to cry harder at the sound of his voice. Mikleo cursed under his breath, grabbing for the door to Selene’s room. He fumbled with the knob before shoving it open. He didn’t wait to catch his breath before striding across the room to scoop Selene out of her crib.

She cried and wriggled in his arms, Mikleo holding her securely against him. He swayed in place, looking around her room before making a decision. Her room was on the smaller side, and it made his breath catch in his throat. He felt trapped, which wasn’t helping Selene if her sobs were anything to go by.

Mikleo turned on his heel and walked into the hall, heading for the main room. Mikleo carefully stepped around the construction materials and into the larger space of the room. He sighed in relief, glancing up at the ceiling. He allowed himself a moment to breathe, relaxing at the feeling of open space. Mikleo bounced Selene gently in his arms before starting to pace the familiar circle around the room. He patted her back, focusing on Selene as he walked.

“Sh, bun. I’m here, I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Mikleo was sure that she could hear the wobble in his voice. It was enough to make him wince, Mikleo fully expecting Selene to start wailing again. To his relief, she calmed, Selene rubbing her face into his shoulder.

Mikleo glanced down at her, watching as she curled her fingers into his shirt. The only signs that she was still crying was her soft sniffles and the way that her shoulders jerked. He stroked his hand down her back, picking his way through the debris on the floor. “What woke you up, hm? Was it a nightmare or me? It probably was me, wasn’t it? I was screaming a lot.” He turned his head to kiss the side of her head. “I’m sorry.”

Selene sighed and nuzzled closer to him. Mikleo chose to think that it meant that he was forgiven. He didn’t stop his slow circles around the room. It was the best way to send her off to sleep, and she needed to sleep or else she would get fussy.

Mikleo sighed, rubbing Selene’s back gently. He knew that seraphim didn’t need sleep, but he knew nothing about baby seraphim, whether they were born or came from the Earthpulse. He only had what Natalie had told him after looking after Selene for a month and what Selene herself wanted. And that seemed to be naps. Just why Mikleo wasn’t sure of, but he wouldn’t complain when it kept her happy and gave him some time to work.

He glanced at some of the boards stacked against the wall. Seraphim didn’t need houses either, but he had grown used to having a roof over his head. Besides, it made him feel better about Selene. She was strong and healthy, but the weather could get extreme this deep into the mountains. He remembered his own years on the mountain and how he had sometimes struggled with the elements. He had survived, but Selene was still so small. He doubted that keeping her out in the open would be a good idea, at least until she was stronger. But she was getting there.

Mikleo glanced out a window, considering taking a walk outside. Selene loved them and would probably fall asleep before he got too far.  Mikleo turned his gaze up to the mountain, tracing its outline in the darkness.

There was no question of where he would go, not after that last nightmare. He wanted to check on the cairns, count them out and reassure himself that things were still as they had been. It wouldn’t make anything better, but at least he would know. At least he could talk to Sorey.

A yawn caught him by surprise, Mikleo hearing Selene echo it. He smiled down at his daughter. “Tired?”

Selene didn’t answer, Mikleo sure that she was already asleep. Knowing that, it was tempting to go to sleep himself. He’d had a long week, the first on his own without Natalie and Melody to help him out. Mikleo was surprised that he hadn’t slept sooner considering the time he had spent with Selene, construction on the house or refining his control over his artes. He could keep practicing since he was awake, but he doubted that he would get anything done. Then, when Selene woke up again, he would be next to useless. And she didn’t deserve to have him falling asleep all the time.

Besides, he wasn’t quite ready to let go. Not with the nightmare still running through his mind.

He swallowed, holding Selene more tightly for a moment. He let her go before she started to protest, rubbing her back gently. Mikleo looked down at the brown fuzz on the top of her head, grounding himself in the sight and scent of her.

She was here and safe in his arms. Nothing was going to get to her. The affirmation was enough to slow his pounding heart, but the panic was still there, and would be there for a while.

Mikleo sighed, wavering from his path around the main room. He swayed in place, looking down the hallway before making a decision. He was tired, and he was looking forward to getting a bit more sleep if only to stop the drag of exhaustion. He wouldn’t put Selene back in her room just this once. Just to reassure himself that she was really safe. He nodded to himself, staring back towards his room. “Come on bun, let’s get back to bed.”

Selene didn’t make a sound, Mikleo assuming that she had drifted off again. He glanced down at where he was rested against his shoulder almost envying her ability to just drop off to sleep. He was sure that he would be up for a while more, chasing the dream of the corners of his mind. Then again, he wouldn’t wish those kinds of nightmares on her for anything.

He smiled down at her, watching as she turned her head towards him, Mikleo taking in her sleeping face. Something him in settled at the sight of her sleeping peacefully. It was another day with her that had been done right, which was a relief. Selene deserved the world.

He edged down the hallway, avoiding the floorboards that creaked. They were somewhere of his long list of making the old house habitable. Mikleo was just glad that Melody and Natalie had been around to help him with the bulk of it. Between the three of them they had fixed up the old house and expanded it. Mikleo hadn’t known why he would need the space, but he wasn’t willing to argue when it was something that would keep him occupied. There was plenty of things for him to finish off although, with Selene it tow, it would probably take a while. Then again, he had all the time in the world.

Mikleo nudged the door to his room open with his hip, padding over to the bed. He sunk into it, watching as Selene made a face at the change. She didn’t wake up, but Mikleo smoothed his hand down her back anyway. He wanted her to sleep as long as possible, anything to keep her happy and healthy.

He settled back into the pillows, carefully moving Selene so she was resting on his chest. He smiled when she grabbed a fistful of his shirt, Selene not waking up with the move. He stroked his fingers over hers, smiling down at her. “I’ve got you too. I’m not going anywhere.”

He yawned wide, laughing when Selene copied him. Mikleo leaned back into the pillows, resting a protective hand on her back. He tipped his head so he could watch her. It was better than letting himself linger over the nightmare. He already felt calmer with her close, but she always had this effect on him. Mikleo didn’t know if it was because his instincts or because of her, because she was family. She meant that he wasn’t alone.

Mikleo smiled to himself, shifting carefully so he was comfortable and could still watch her. Selene made a noise in her sleep, curling into a tighter ball on his chest. He waited to see if she would make up again, tipping his head when he felt a shift in the Earthpulse. It was enough to make Selene frown, but the shift in the energy didn’t wake her up.

He breathed a sigh of relief, tipping his head back and closing his eyes. “Night, bun. Sleep well.”


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter takes place around Chapter 7 of All Glory Ends in Night

The moments when you’re in so deep  
It feels easier to just swim down.”  
- _It’s Quiet Uptown_ , Hamilton

* * *

 

Mikleo watched Sorey throw things together, barely keeping himself from tapping his foot. He was aware that humans needed more than seraphim did to survive. They couldn’t live off the energy from the Earthpulse or pulled from their element. That didn’t stop it from being annoying, especially when they were on such a tight schedule.

Every minute they wasted was more time that the crates had to travel away from him. Just because General Alexsei had been stationed in Gododdin didn’t mean that he had planned to let the weapons stay there.

Mikleo could already feel his family slipping away from him again.

He pushed away from the wall and started pacing. He saw Sorey’s head jerk up, but the human didn’t say anything. If anything, he just started packing faster. That was something at least. Mikleo huffed and continued his pacing.

The delay was almost enough for him to regret offering to escort Sorey. It might have been Sorey’s fault that the seraphim were scattered and in danger again, so it only made sense that he would go out himself to solve the problem. He had promised to keep them safe after all. Then again, he wasn’t sure that it was worth the wait as Sorey packed. He could cover the distance faster flying, and he wouldn’t have to wait for Sorey to do all the human things that would slow them down.

Mikleo grumbled and turned on his heel, about to start another round of pacing when Sorey’s voice brought him up short.

“You can’t ride, can you?” When Mikleo rounded on him, Sorey looked away. “Alright, stupid question. Sorry I asked.”

There was no response that Mikleo could think of other than to snap at Sorey to hurry up, but he doubted that it would help. Besides, it was obvious that Sorey felt bad about what had happened. It wasn’t enough to fully quash his anger, but it did calm it. Sorey was as invested in making sure that the seraphim safe as he was.

The only thing he could do was to keep his mouth shut, but that didn’t stop him from throwing an annoyed look at Sorey.

It was obvious that Sorey was aware of them by the way that he rolled his shoulders forward. Mikleo studied him for a moment before jerking his gaze away when he felt something like pity. He wasn’t ready for that. He wanted to hold onto his anger for a while longer.

He was given a few more moments of silence before Sorey spoke up again. “Snowbell will take care of you if you’re not going to fly off.”

“I can’t ride.”

“I know, but Snowbell is steady. She was my aunt’s before…” Sorey trailed off, swallowing hard. He shook his head, leaning over to close the saddlebags. “If you’re not flying, then I think that you’d like it better to have your own horse instead of riding with me.”

Mikleo shuddered at the idea even as he felt a spark of interest. That was just the end of his heat talking. He may be interested, but it wasn’t enough to convince him to allow Sorey that close. Mikleo wasn’t ready for hours pressed up against Sorey with no escape.

He shivered, so lost in thought that he didn’t hear Sorey move. He jumped when he felt something drape over his shoulders, looking up to find Sorey standing in front of him.

Sorey didn’t meet his gaze, the human focused on adjusting the fall of his jacket over Mikleo. “Here, you’re shivering.”

Mikleo looked down at the blue and gold coat. He didn’t know what to make of the offer, nor did he know what to do about Sorey’s being so close. He shivered, trying to form some kind of thought, but he couldn’t think of anything. He could only stare at Sorey and mutter, “My heat is over…”

“I know.” Sorey smiled at him, Mikleo ignoring the flop his stomach did at the sight of it. “But the palace gets cold.”

It was a bad excuse, even Mikleo could see that. But he couldn’t bring himself to call Sorey on it. The coat was warm and comfortable on his shoulders. Mikleo reached up to grab the front of it, surreptitiously ducking his head down when Sorey walked away.

It smelled like them.

Mikleo felt his heart speed up, his fingers gripping the front of the coat tighter. It smelled like Sorey and his heat.

Logically, Mikleo knew the reason for it. Sorey had sat outside of his door for who knows how long during his heat. He’d been able to smell Sorey the entire time. Sorey was a young, healthy and _interested_ alpha, and it had been enough to drive him up the wall. Now it was strangely calming, a claim without anything that would have usually come with it. Everyone who smelled him would know who he belonged do.

He swallowed and shifted his hold on the coat. It was nothing more than what he had been trying to do since he had gotten to Pendrago. As long as he was Sorey’s then people wouldn’t come after him. Then again, it hadn’t helped with General Alexsei. The man had been all too happy to try and use him despite the fact that he had made it widely known that he was Sorey’s.

Even then some part of him rebelled by the thought. He was not a thing to be owned or claimed. Sorey seemed to understand that well enough, and he probably hadn’t been thinking about it when he had passed Mikleo is coat. That didn’t stop that part of him from wanting to strip the coat off of him.

He was his own and no one else’s. But the coat hadn’t been a claim, it was a gift. A sign of Sorey taking care of him. For all he knew, it was the start of an apology for what had happened with the seraphim. If it was the latter, than it was hardly enough to make up for the oversight. But it was a start.

Mikleo played with the edge of the coat before looking up at Sorey. The human was waiting for him at the door, the saddlebags slung over his shoulder. There was an expectant look on Sorey’s face, Mikleo keenly aware of the press of time again. They had to leave before they lost the seraphim for good.

He shifted his grip on the coat, ready to strip it off and leave it behind, but his hand wouldn’t move on it. Mikleo swallowed, resisting the urge to nuzzle into the coat. That would be too much and too far, especially while Sorey was watching. He could feel Sorey’s stare on him, Mikleo suddenly aware of the invitation that it would be. Allowing himself to sink into their combined scents would be too much too fast. It was far better to just stick to the pact. It was safer.

Mikleo took a deep breath, regretting it a moment later when he caught their combined scents again. He practically choked on the heavy scents, swallowing quickly to hide the misstep. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking shallow breaths as he tried to gather himself again. Mikleo didn’t dare look up at Sorey, not when he was sure of the expression that he would see.

He swallowed, giving himself a few more moments before opening his eyes. The delay seemed to be just what Sorey needed, because his expression was neutral again, but Mikleo could see the cracks in it. Sorey was never so static and he had a certain focus in his eyes that made Mikleo want to bare his throat. The very thought made him want to snarl, but Mikleo clamped down on the instinct. He and Sorey were going to be traveling with each other for a while, and there was no reason to make it awkward. If anything they would need to talk, if only to figure out what they would do with the seraphim.

Mikleo took a deep breath and met Sorey’s gaze, watching the human’s careful expression waver. He was relieved when Sorey was the first to look away, the human opening the door. “If we leave now, we could cover a few miles before it gets dark.”

Mikleo just nodded at the offer, not trusting his voice to stay steady. It made more sense to move while Sorey still could. If he was going to be held to a human’s schedule then they would have to push. Mikleo had left the seraphim alone long enough.

He lifted his chin slightly, relieved when it moved him away from the coat. It would have been simpler if he just dropped the coat, but it felt too good to let go of. It felt comforting and warm from when Sorey had been wearing it. It soothed the parts of him left ragged from a heat spent on his own, and it was a new sensation. Mikleo was used to dealing with the way that he felt wrung out and raw after a heat, but this was something different. This almost felt like he was safe. It was almost enough to make him want to shake his head, but Mikleo held himself back. Sorey would just ask him questions and he wasn’t prepared for that.

Mikleo stepped forward, taking care to edge around Sorey. He glanced down at the human’s arm as it moved, Sorey looking like he was ready to reach for him, but he jerked his hand back at the last moment. Mikleo wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or disappointed, and it annoyed him that he didn’t know. He swallowed and focused on the hallway, glancing around.

It was quiet in their hallway, although Mikleo was sure that the rest of the palace was consumed with the same rush that had been going on since the council were arrested. It was nice to get a break from it, but it just made him aware of how close Sorey was. Mikleo pushed the thought away, there were more important things for him to be focusing on.

Mikleo rolled his shoulders back and started striding down the hall. He heard Sorey make a surprised sound, Mikleo picking up his back when he heard Sorey following after him. He didn’t feel up to Sorey walking by his side at the moment, he didn’t trust himself with what he would do. As it was, it was hard just to breathe shallowly so he didn’t take in deep lungfuls of their combined scent. It was a temptation that he didn’t need, not when his attention was required elsewhere.

He swallowed and tried to focus on the hallway in front of him. It was far safer to look down the hall. If he looked back at Sorey he was almost afraid of what he might do, and now of all times, he couldn’t afford the distraction.

* * *

Mikleo paused when he felt Selene latch onto his leg. He looked down at his daughter, smiling at her. Selene grinned back at him, tugging on the leg of his pants. It was a familiar demand for attention, Mikleo sighing and glancing over at what he was working at.

The winter had been a cold one and hard on the house. When he had thought about having it, he hadn’t considered the wear and tear. He supposed it was something that humans just dealt with, but it was new for him. Thankfully he and Selene spent most of their time out and about, using the house to sleep when they wanted and to store their things. Melody and Natalie always seemed to come by with something for Selene every time they visited.

Mikleo shook his head and adjusted his hold on the board he was trying to replace. The original one had been warped by the heavy snowfall and Mikleo had been able to trace the way that the water had started to come through. It was far easier to replace the rotted board than to keep siphoning the water away. He’d done it for a few weeks before it had gotten to be too much. He didn’t know how the board had passed their first inspection, but thinking on it wouldn’t change anything. The board needed replacing, especially since it was in Selene’s room.

He nailed it into place, checking it over before nodding to himself. Mikleo crouched to drop the hammer into the toolkit, using the motion to turn and snatch Selene up.

She squealed as he stood up, Mikleo twisting to lean his shoulder against the side of the house. “What do you think? Is it a good job?”

Selene glanced at the house, Mikleo shifting so she could pat at the side of it. He was sure that Selene couldn’t tell the difference, at least not yet. She was still too young to have an element. But she seemed happy enough to pat the board.

He let her for a moment before stepping away. The motion was all that was needed to get her attention to move to him. Mikleo ducked his head as she grabbed at his hair. He was careful to keep his head just far enough away so she couldn’t reach it. Mikleo just barely kept himself from laughing at her pout. He didn’t want her fingers in his hair, not when he was sure that she had been poking around in the garden. It would be a long time before he would be able to stop, and Mikleo was sure that he would forget about it. He always seemed to be in motion, his to do list always growing longer.

Mikleo shook his head, adjusting his hold on Selene. It was something that he was used to, it had been his life for the past year and a half. The thought still struck him sometimes about how he was always on the move. Mikleo was sure that this kind of the busy was the best to be. It meant that he didn’t have much time for thinking about anything else. Save for their morning routine of walking up to the top of the mountain, he almost never had time to think about it. Almost.

He swallowed, staring up at the mountain until he felt a hand press against his cheek. Mikleo looked down at Selene, smiling when he saw the serious expression on her face. It didn’t surprise him that she was so in tune with his mood, especially with all the time they spent together. Then again, it wasn’t anything for her to be worried about.

Mikleo turned his head and kissed her palm, listening to Selene giggle. He blew a raspberry into her palm before lifting his head away. Selene clapped her hands together, leaning forward to grab at his coat. Mikleo shifted his hold on her, rolling his eyes when she ended up partially draped over his shoulder as she wiggled around.

“You’re being a bit ridiculous.” Selene didn’t answer him, Mikleo reaching up to keep her from tumbling completely over his shoulder. He glanced back at the house before turning around. There was nothing more to be done on it for now and, considering Selene’s mood, it would be impossible for him to get anything else done. He just had to wait until she was ready to nap, or exhaust her so she would sleep through a majority of the night.

Mikleo tipped his head to the side, bouncing in place to making Selene laugh. She pawed at his back when he stopped, probably demanding for him to start again, but Mikleo had learned his lesson. If he didn’t call a stop to things, he would be repeating the same action until he was too tired to stand.

Instead, he shifted his hold on her, swinging her back in front of him. He held her there, smiling at her. “If you have this much energy, then let’s put it to good use. We haven’t been to the river in a while. What do you think?”

Selene nodded, practically wiggling out of his arms in her excitement. Mikleo fumbled his hold on her, twisting just in time to set her safely on the ground.

Selene wobbled for a moment before taking off at a determined waddle. Mikleo shook his head, starting off after her. Selene would walk all the way down to the river herself if she had to, and he had no intention of letting her get that far on her own. She might have been a seraph, but she was a young one, without an element or artes to protect her. That was his job.

He reached up to tuck his hair back into place, keeping an eye on Selene. He nudged the golden feathers back into place, pausing when Selene abruptly about faced and ran past him. Mikleo pivoted with her, shaking his head. “Where are you going, bun? The river is this way.”

He got a squeal in response, Mikleo having to listen hard to make out the words that Selene was saying. “Nat! Melmel!”

Mikleo looked down the road at the mention of his sisters, smiling when he saw them walking towards them. Between working on the house and keeping an eye on Selene, he must have missed them entering his domain. Then again, they were completely familiar to him and no threat. There was no reason for him to be wary about his sisters.

He picked up his pace to catch up with Selene. She didn’t give him a second glance, too focused on propelling herself into Natalie’s arms. Mikleo smiled as Natalie lifted her up, the two of them immediately falling into an intense discussion.

Mikleo kept walking over, reaching out an arm for Melody. He stopped short when Melody reached up to brush something off his cheek. “Dirt.”

“Selene was gardening.”

“Is there anything left?” Melody chuckled and looked back at where Selene was messing with the end of Natalie’s ponytail. Natalie didn’t seem to mind the dirt that was getting rubbed off into her hair, too busy laughing along with Selene.

Mikleo smiled at the sight of the two of them, lifting his shoulders in a shrug. “It keeps her occupied and close. I’m not going to complain. Besides, the flowers will grow wherever they want. I won’t stop them.”

“No.” Melody sounded wistful. “It must be beautiful here in the spring.”

“Yes. But Elysia is still prettier.”

They shared a smile before Melody was moving away, Mikleo leaning back to look at where she was heading. He was surprised to see a box of something in the middle of the road. He was tempted to investigate it himself, but Melody was already picking it up. She swayed a bit under its weight, Mikleo starting forward only for Melody to shake her head.

She adjusted her hold on the box before walking past him, giving him a wide smile. Mikleo wasn’t sure if he should be encouraged by it or slightly frightened. Melody was always bringing things for them, either something she had found for Selene or something that Eizen recommended for taking care of young seraphim. Mikleo was glad for any help that he could get but, with the things that Eizen had suggested, he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of young seraphim Eizen had been raising. Even with the things she was bringing back, it had never been a whole box.

He craned his neck to watch her go into the house, quickly turning his attention back to Natalie as she nudged her hip against him. Mikleo smiled at her, leaning into her shoulder. She must have seen something in his face because she frowned. “Are you alright?”

Mikleo was taken aback by the question. He hesitated for a moment before nodding.

That didn’t seem to appease Natalie. She leaned in closer, studying him carefully. “You sure?”

“Very.” He gave her a smile, not sure if it looked sincere enough to really convince Natalie. He sighed and reached out to brush Selene’s bangs out of her face. “I’ve been doing this for a while now. Selene and I have a schedule.”

Natalie was silent for a long moment, Mikleo almost sure that she would start to argue with him. He was almost resigned to the fact because it seemed to be what happened when she came to visit. Mikleo didn’t know what she expected to find, especially not at this time. He and Selene were fine, they had been for a while now.

He swallowed back his annoyance. There was no point in arguing when both she and Melody would probably be gone by the end of the day. If they had been staying longer she would have told him by now. Any instance of them staying were few and far between, their duties as Sub Lords keeping them busy for most of the time. Mikleo was sure that they only stopped by when their Shepherds were in the area. Considering their duties it was a wonder that they could get away, especially the two of them at the same time. That wasn’t something to mar with an argument.

Mikleo took a deep breath, choosing to focus on Selene instead of his sister. He sighed at the serious look on his daughter’s face, some part of him hating it. Selene didn’t need to be pulled into this, not when she looked forward to seeing her aunts.

He reached out to ruffle her hair, relieved when it brought a smile back to her face. “We were just about to go down to the river and see what we could find down there.”

Natalie gave him a long look, Mikleo sure that she was trying to figure out if he passed muster. He drew himself up, giving her a glare. To his relief, she turned her attention back to Selene. “Have you found anything interesting down there?”

Selene was quick to nod, tugging at the front of Natalie’s shirt. Mikleo shook his head, reaching out to gently tap Selene’s hand. “Selene.”

He was treated to a pout, Selene looking over at Natalie for support.

If Natalie noticed the exchange she didn’t comment on it. She adjusted her hold on Selene with a grin. “Lead the way then.”

Selene pointed imperiously back over towards the river, Natalie turning to follow the motion. Mikleo watched the two of them head off, looking back over towards the house in time to see Melody step out. She waved at him before starting off after Natalie.

Mikleo watched the two of them go, almost tempted to duck back into the house. The box was intriguing and he wanted to see what was in it. Mikleo was sure that the majority of it was for Selene, but he couldn’t help but be curious. Besides, he wanted to weed out anything that would be a bit too much. On the other hand, it would mean that he would miss out a trip down to the river. Today was as much of a treat for him as it was for her. He rarely saw his sisters, and he missed them dearly while they were away.

He rocked back onto his heels, giving the house one last look before trailing after them, waving at Selene as she peeked over her aunt’s shoulder.

* * *

Mikleo waved as Melody and Natalie walked back down the road, letting his hand rest on Selene’s back when they disappeared out of sight. He sighed and leaned back against the house. He rubbed Selene’s back, resisting the urge to close his eyes. If he did, he was sure that he would fall asleep.

Mikleo chuckled at the thought, tipping his head so he could rest it against Selene’s. “The trip to the river was supposed to tire you out, not me.”

He heard her sigh, not sure if it was a proper response or Selene about to fall asleep. Mikleo supposed that it didn’t matter, it would be better for the two of them to be inside so they could be ready for either eventuality.

He pushed away from the wall, reaching out to open the door. Mikleo stepped inside the house, sighing himself. Without Natalie or Melody around to distract him he was back to being aware of his to do list. Mikleo tipped his head to the side, considering what he had to do before shaking his head. He may have been tired, but it wasn’t enough to make him feel the urge to sleep. He could keep going for a while yet.

Mikleo turned his head to look down at Selene. “What about you, bun? Time for bed?”

She made a noncommittal noise, but her hand gripped more tightly at his coat. She was clearly sleepy, but not in the mood for her bed yet, which was fine. There were plenty of other things for them to do, and Selene never turned down the chance to help him with chores, even if it was just shuffling things around.

He glanced around the main floor, pausing when he caught sight of the box on his desk. Mikleo stared at it, swaying in place. He was still curious about what Melody had brought them, especially since it required a whole box.

He fought against the temptation for a moment longer before walking over to the open space and setting Selene down in it. He glanced down at her, watching as Selene laid down on the carpet. It was a sure sign that she was tired because she wasn’t bouncing back up onto her feet. It was likely that she would fall asleep while they were digging through the box.

Mikleo chuckled, lifting the box from his desk and bringing it over. Selene rolled over to her side when he approached, pushing herself up slowly. Mikleo settled on the ground beside her, waiting until she had crawled close to his side before opening the box up.

He expected more toys or some of the knickknacks that Melody blamed on Eizen. Instead, he was shocked to see a small stack of books and some carefully folded clothes. Mikleo frowned, reaching in to pat around to see what else was in there. Nothing looked like it was for Selene, but he couldn’t imagine what Melody would give to him. He was settled where he was and, if he needed anything, he and Selene could walk down to Kylfe or even further into Ladylake. Mikleo stroked his fingers over the clothes before reaching in and pulling out the one on top.

He froze as soon as he shook it out, staring at the blue and gold coat. He knew it so well. Sorey had worn it.

Mikleo pulled the coat close to him, pressing his nose against it and taking a deep breath. He halfway expected not to find anything, but the scent was there. It was faint and barely there, but it was the scent of old books and dusts.

He had forgotten exactly what it had smelled like.

Mikleo pressed his face into the fabric, taking a deep breath as he chased the faint scent. He couldn’t believe that he had forgotten what Sorey had smelled like, and it hurt.

He clutched the coat close to him, not realizing that he was shaking until Selene reached out and grabbed him.

Mikleo jerked the coat away from him, turning to look at Selene. She was looking at him with wide eyes, looking on the verge of tears herself. Mikleo swallowed, dropping the coat into his lap so he could wrap an arm around Selene and pull her close. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

It didn’t look like she believed him, Selene wrapping both arms around him and hugging him. Mikleo returned the favor, hugging her close. “Thanks, bun. I just wasn’t…ready for this. I just thought…” He took a deep breath, looking back down at the jacket. Mikleo fumbled for the words before shaking his head. “I thought they would have just thrown it all away.”

He leaned forward, carefully removing the other pieces of clothing from the box. A majority of it was Sorey’s, Mikleo tempted to bury his nose in them and inhale until Sorey’s scent was burned into his brain. He didn’t want to forget it again, because it was all he was going to get of Sorey. He bit his lip, pausing when he lifted one of his old collars from the box. Mikleo held it up, looking at the dangling feather before dropping the collar in the pile by him.

With all the clothes out of the box, all that remained were the books. Mikleo had to let go of Selene to lift them out. He turned the pile, staring at the spines. Only half of them had titles, and all of those were about history. From the way that the spines were worn and cracked, all of the books had been well read.

He sighed, twisting to set the books on the other side of the box before looking inside of it again. Mikleo didn’t know what else he expected to be there, but he was almost disappointed that there was just a slip of paper at the bottom.

He reached in, lifting the note out and setting it on his lap. He stared at it, reading it over with wide eyes.

_Mikleo,_

_These things were slated to be taken to storage, but I don’t believe that it’s the right place for them. I think Sorey would have wanted you to have them. It’s better than them rotting away, forgotten, in one of the storerooms of the palace. Maybe one day they’ll be valuable, maybe they won’t. But I know that you will value them. This is just the first I could send, because it was the lightest for Boris and Melody to carry to you. More will follow by cart with Nestor. I can’t give you an exact time, but he’ll be there as soon as we’ve finished packing things up here. He’ll leave them with you and then leave you alone. He just requests to see Sorey’s grave, as do we all. I’ll let you know when any of us are heading your way._

_Sergei_

He took a deep breath, letting the letter drop into his lap. He was sure that he was shaking again, but he couldn’t get himself to stop. It wasn’t that the Platinum Knights were coming to see Sorey’s grave, although it made him nervous. It was the fact that he was going to have more of Sorey, more than just the clothes that Sorey had worn on the day that he had died. More than and coat and a jacket with the colors of the empire. These were the things from back before Sorey had started pretending. Back before the malevolence had started to steal Sorey away from him.

He swallowed and stroked his fingers over the coat, considering it for a moment before picking up the coat again. He stared at it before slipping it on, shivering as it slid over his shoulders. It wasn’t warm and it barely smelled like Sorey, but it meant everything to him.

Mikleo turned his head to press his face into the coat, taking a few more deep breaths. It was tempting to just curl up and lose himself in the scent, because it was something that he had thought he would never had again. But it was hard to ignore the press of Selene against his side. Mikleo swayed in place before looking back at her. Some part of him was annoyed at the effort that it took, because Selene was just as precious as anything that he would be getting from Sergei.

He curled his arm around her, not sure that he could manage a smile. He was sure that it would help considering how worried she looked, but all he could do was snuggle her against his side.

Selene stared up at him before pressing her face into the coat, Mikleo smiling. Some part of him wanted to tell her everything, but he couldn’t. The peace was still too new and she looked too much like Sorey. He would be putting her in danger, and he would never forgive himself if something happened to her.

Mikleo cleared his throat, leaning forward to look at the books. His eye caught on the book on the top of the stack, Mikleo reaching out with his free hand to trace the design on the cover.

He remembered this book, he and Sorey had been looking it over before his second heat in Pendrago. He remembered the way that Sorey had seemed so fond of it and how worn it had looked.

He rested his hand on the book, studying it for a moment before lifting it from the stack. He held it up for Selene to look at. “What do you think?”

Selene lifted her head from his side, looking at the book. It only took her a moment to consider the book before she made her decision.

Mikleo held still as she climbed into his lap, quick to curl around her. He wrapped one arm around her waist, using his other hand to open the book. He settled it into a more comfortable position to hold with one hand, looking down at Selene when he was done. He kissed the top of her head. “Ready?”

She nodded, leaning forward slightly to help him turn the page.

He whispered his thanks against the top of his head before focusing on the page, waiting until Selene had tucked herself under his chin to start reading.

“The earliest human societies were unware of the existence of seraphim…”


	4. Chapter 3

“Look at where we are  
Look at where we started  
I know I don't deserve you  
But hear me out, that would be enough.”  
- _It’s Quiet Uptown_ , Kelly Clarkson

* * *

 

The earth rumbled slightly beneath his feet, Mikleo shifting his stance slightly as he leaned against one of the posts on the porch. He looked over at Selene, watched as her face screwed up in concentration. Mikleo doubted that she even knew that he was there, she seemed to be focused on what she was doing. And Mikleo had no intention of interrupting her. He had only come out when the slight shifts in the earth had been too much to ignore.

He sighed and tipped his head up, frowning when he saw how high the sun was overhead. He hadn’t meant to stay in bed for so long, but he hadn’t been aware of the passage of time. The only things that he had been aware of was the overwhelming sense of loss.

Mikleo swallowed, leaning his head to the side so it was resting against the post. It was still there, lingering at the forefront of his mind. Usually it was a little further back and not as strong. Usually he could work through it. It had been four years since Sorey had died after all, he should have been able to make the adjustment. But there were still times that it hit him hard and left him lost in it. In those moments, it didn’t feel like it had been four years, it felt like it was still happening. It felt like he was drowning in it and there was no way to push back against it.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Mikleo held it for a moment before letting it out slowly. He curled his fingers into his leg, pressing them hard into fabric and skin. It didn’t help with the horrible depths that he felt like he was lingering on the edge on, it was still there and lurking. Mikleo was sure it would always be. He bit his lip before he could make a sound. He had dealt with this for four years, he would manage. He always did.

Mikleo opened his eyes, watching as Selene stumbled to a stop with her arte. She glared at the ground, reaching up to push her hair out of her face. Mikleo smiled at the flash of sunlight off the circlet on her forehead. It was something that he rarely saw under her bangs, especially with the color that was starting to come in.

There was a faint but unmistakable yellow tint to the ends of her hair, one that would only grow the more that she grew into her element. Considering the way she was pushing herself, it would be sooner rather than later.

That would be something that he would have to watch, just to make sure that Selene didn’t hurt herself. He bit his lip, watching as Selene started moving through the arte again.

It was a simple enough thing, something that worked across all seraphim and one of the few things he knew that could help her. The only other things that he could teach her were little artes to work on her control. Mikleo was sure that she would need those lessons soon enough. Better yet, it would keep him distracted while he felt the loss of Sorey so keenly. Work was the only thing that seemed to distract him, so he intended to keep busy, at least until he got back to his usual self again.

Mikleo hummed to himself, watching as a few rocks jittered along the path. It wasn’t much but Selene beamed like she had raised a mountain. Mikleo couldn’t help from grinning too. It was the most he had seen from her since she had started to come into her element. He was sure that he would never hear the end of it, which he was fine with. Her accomplishments deserved to be celebrated. She was growing up into a fine young seraph.

The thought made him swallow, Mikleo feeling his hand shake. If she was coming into her element, he would need to figure out a true name for her. He wasn’t even sure how it was done.

When he had been given his, Gramps had been the one to do it. Mikleo didn’t know where Gramps had gotten the name, or if he had been the one to give it to him because he was the oldest seraph or the one more directly involved in raising him. Those were all questions that Mikleo knew for sure wouldn’t be in any of the books he had, which meant that he would have to ask his sisters the next time that they came through. If he did that, then Selene would have to wait. Mikleo winced at the thought. He didn’t think that there was a time limit for the ceremony, but a delay might throw all of their other plans off. And Selene had been looking forward to so much.

He dropped his gaze, drumming his fingers against his leg as he tried to figure out exactly what he would need to reschedule and work out. That was easier than trying to figure out exactly how to tell Selene that she would have to wait a little bit longer. And, over all of that, was the horrible realization that Sorey was going to miss this, just like he had missed everything else.

Mikleo muttered a curse, reaching up with his free hand to grab at the front of the coat. He could feel it all rushing in again, Mikleo swaying in place. He was torn between walking to the top of the mountain and slinking into his room to ride out the worst of it. It wouldn’t help anything, especially since he was sure that nothing he had smelled of Sorey anymore. It had been too long, and he’d been through too many days of this for his taste. All he could do was cling to what he had and imagine what Sorey had sounded and smelled like, but it was getting harder to do. Everything important was slowly slipping out of his memory, to the point where he was having trouble remembering what Sorey had looked like.

A whimper slipped past him, Mikleo looking up quickly. He focused on Selene, his heart pounding when he realized that she had stopped working on her artes.

It wasn’t that she didn’t know about his bad days, she had seen enough of them. But it wasn’t her responsibility to cheer him up, nor was it her problem. As bad as they could get, he could handle them.

Mikleo swallowed, trying to pull himself together enough that Selene would believe him when he waved her on. He stopped when he realized that she wasn’t paying attention to him, but on the end of the road. Mikleo frowned and leaned out, staring around the pile of supplies he had assembled to start the library room. Even leaning out it was hard to see around the pile, Mikleo still straining to see even when Selene took off at a run.

“Aunt Natalie!”

Mikleo raised himself to his tiptoes as Natalie finally came into his line of sight. He sighed in relief, slumping back against the post. He watched as Selene launched herself at Natalie.

Natalie caught her, swinging her around with a laugh. They were too far away for him to hear their conversation, but it was obvious from the way that Natalie reached up to touch the ends of Selene’s hair and the way that Selene gestured at the ground as it rumbled that it was about coming into her element.

Mikleo turned his gaze to watch the pebbles skitter across the street, some of the worry in his chest starting to unwind. Natalie was here, which meant that he could get some of his questions answered. If not her, then her presence meant that the other seraphim were around. That meant he had access to both an older seraph and an earth seraph, and he was sure that Rose would be in Ladylake. The three of them could make a quick visit, although the very thought brought back the tight curl of worry.

He had avoided going into Ladylake for years now. Kylfe had supplied him with everything that he had always needed. Besides, the village was far enough away from everything that he didn’t have to worry about bringing Selene with him.

In Ladylake it would be different. Maybe he would have been able to get away with it when she was a baby, but there was no hiding it now. Even with the yellow coming into her hair, there was no mistaking who she looked like. The only solution would be to leave Selene at home, but he didn’t feel comfortable doing that. Seraph or not, she was still too young. Besides, his domain wouldn’t hold as soon as he was gone and Mikleo was well aware that the area wasn’t completely clear of hellions.

He clutched at the coat, ducking his head so he could nuzzle into the collar. There wasn’t a scent to steady him, but the coat was warm and that was enough. It wasn’t to the point where he could imagine it was directly from Sorey, because he could still feel the yawning gap and threat of the black mood closing over him again. He closed his fingers more tightly into the coat, allowing himself a few more moments of blind panic before he pushed it back. If he wanted for things to remain that way he could do nothing or he could keep pushing forward and hope that something worked.

He swallowed and looked up, working on getting his smile back in place only to realize that it was too late.

Selene had been deposited back on the ground, and she was halfway back to him. He watched as she looked him over, her face falling. Mikleo could practically see the wheels in her head turning, and he immediately felt guilty. He knew what she was going to do, and there was no reason that she should adjust what she wanted to do for him. This was something that he had to work through on his own.

Mikleo cleared his throat, about to crouch down to speak to her on her eye level when the expression on Natalie’s face brought him up abruptly. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his sister looking so furious. His eyes widened, Mikleo tempted to retreat back into the house. It wouldn’t help anything, because she would just follow him and then he would be trapped. He bristled at the idea, just barely stopping himself from growling.

He swallowed back the sound, looking down at Selene as she tucked herself against his side. He reached down to ruffle her hair. “Looking good, bun.”

“You were watching?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” It helped a little to watch her brighten up, Mikleo just wanting to hold her close. It just made the urgency of everything more important. He didn’t want to let Selene down.

He carefully combed her hair back into place, giving up a moment later. Her curls would never lay flat, but at least he could try to impose a little bit of order onto them, if only for a moment.

Mikleo had a moment of peace before he heard Natalie clear her throat. He looked up at his sister, not surprised that the angry look hadn’t left her face.

Natalie glared at him for a moment before directing her attention to Selene. “Could you leave us alone for a while? I have some things that I want to talk to Mikleo about.”

Mikleo felt Selene brush up against him, fully expecting her to demand to be allowed to stay. For a moment, he considered it because he didn’t want to be alone in the face of Natalie’s anger. Then again, Mikleo was sure that he knew what Natalie was going to talk to him about. He was very much aware of the coat that he was still wearing. In the end, the conversation was not one that he wanted Selene listening into, not when he hadn’t told her much about Sorey. She was bound to hear what everyone else believed, and he was afraid of her speaking up to defend him. She was safe as long as she was kept in the dark.

He brushed his fingers through her hair one more time before giving her a little nudge back to the house. He expected the startled look on her face, but Selene went without an argument.

She walked back towards the house, pausing when she was on the front porch. “I’ll find those books I was talking about, alright?”

Mikleo didn’t look back to see Natalie’s response, waiting until Selene was inside and the door was shut behind her to turn back to look at Natalie.

His sister stared at the house a moment longer before looking back down at him. She made an impatient gesture, Mikleo tempted to ignore it and remain where it was. Then again, there was a small chance that Selene wouldn’t be going after the books, but listening in. She was starting to get more curious, which meant that he was running out of time to figure out how much to tell her.

Mikleo squared his shoulders, not letting go of the front of the jacket as he walked over to Natalie. The distance was slightly better closer to her, but Mikleo walked past her. If they were going to do this, then he was going to make sure some of it was on his terms. He knew that there were certain parts of this argument that he was going to lose.

He stopped, facing away from Natalie for a moment before he pivoted to face her. Mikleo wasn’t surprised that she was ready. Natalie just glared at him before gesturing at the coat. “What is that?”

“One of Sorey’s.” There was no point in lying, especially if they were going to be working through the subject. He stroked his fingers over the front of it before letting go of his tight hold on the jacket.

“But from where?”

“Pendrago. Sergei sent some of Sorey’s things.” He gestured at the pile of wood by the house. “Why do you think I’ve been considering expanding the library? They’ve been sitting around the house for so long and I’m tired of tripping over them.”

Natalie bristled, Mikleo sure that it wasn’t because of the library. She looked him up and down before shaking her head. “So that’s what you’ve been doing all day? Looking through his clothes?”

“No!”

“Then why weren’t you out here?!” Natalie gestured at where Selene had been practicing. “Your daughter is getting her element, she shouldn’t be left unsupervised. Something could happen to her.”

Mikleo felt a spark of fear run down his spine. He reached up for the coat only to stop himself part of the way through the motion. He swallowed and shook his head. “I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“You wouldn’t know! You were too busy with Sorey, and he’s _dead_.”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” Mikleo took a step forward, baring his teeth. “There’s not day that goes by that I done remember that.”

“Obviously, because you’re not paying attention to your daughter! You’re letting her run wild out here, on her own.”

“She has me!”

“That’s not enough!” Natalie stepped toward him, Mikleo not giving ground. He saw the surprise in her eyes, but that wasn’t enough to stop her. “She needs other influences, and Melody and I don’t count. She needs to see the world, not be kept cooped up here.”

“What do you think I’m trying to do?”

“You’re trying to bring back a relationship that didn’t exist.”

“IT WAS REAL!” Mikleo stepped forward, a growl rumbling out. He saw Natalie start, but he couldn’t back down, not when his previous sadness had been transformed into familiar rage. “But you wouldn’t know, you were too busy trying to _kill_ him.”

Natalie huffed, glaring down at him. “I was trying to save you. He was tainted and making you worse.”

“If you cared so much about me then maybe you shouldn’t have left me back on Elysia!”

Natalie went still, the annoyance in her gaze transforming something into something cold. “You say that like I had a choice.”

“You say that I was tainted like I had a choice.” Mikleo gestured back over his shoulder at the mountain. “Or do you think that I stayed up there for eight years because I wanted to? I stayed there because there was nowhere else for me to go! There was nothing to do but hide and stew in malevolence. I was tainted long before Sorey found me.”

“I offered you the chance to leave.”

“I had promises to keep!”

“What could have been so important to keep you there?”

“Because he was _mine._ ” Mikleo practically sobbed the word out, feeling himself shake. He didn’t let that stop him, Mikleo staring up at her. “Because he promised me my family back. All he wanted to do was help the seraphim and all I had to do was look intimidating.”

“He used you.”

“You’re not listening to me!” Mikleo took a deep breath, watching as Natalie froze in shock. He glared at her, lowering his voice so it wouldn’t carry. “I did nothing that I didn’t want to do. I wouldn’t have stayed with him if it had happened any other way.”

“But-”

“All he ever asked me to do was help him get on the throne. I could have turned away at that, but I demanded something for me. He wanted something intimidating and I demanded all the seraphim free and my family back. I asked for _everything_ and he gave me it. And he got _nothing._ ”

Natalie snorted. “An empire isn’t nothing.”

“It meant about that much. Or do you actually think that he enjoyed any of it?” Mikleo looked her up and down before shaking his head. “What kind of person wants that kind of thing?”

“Many of them, practically all of them!” Natalie threw her hands in the air. “Not all humans are saints.”

“I know that! If they were, you would never have left!”

“We had no choice! Why do you-” Natalie cut herself off, staring at him with wide eyes. Mikleo was thrown off by her sudden silence. He shifted in place, ready for the next barrage of shouting when Natalie spoke again. “This is about when he died.”

“What?”

“When Sorey died. You still blame me for not helping him.”

Mikleo stared at her in horror, trying to remember anything from that day. It was all a vague blur, Mikleo remembering bits and pieces of it. He did remember begging for help to save Sorey, but that was blurry too.

He curled his hands into fists, shaking his head. “No.”

“You begged for my help.”

“But I don’t blame you! He was…” Mikleo swallowed, forcing the words out. “He was dying, nothing could have saved him. And I’ve _never_ blamed you.”

Natalie stared at him. “Then why?”

“Because it _hurt_. Because I _loved_ him. And sometimes I remember everything that happens and I _drown_ in it.” Mikleo took a deep breath, reaching up to clutch at the coat. He pulled it tight around him, Mikleo just stopping himself from pressing his face against the coat. He swallowed meeting Natalie’s gaze. “I miss him so much it hurts.”

Natalie shook his head, Mikleo feeling his stomach sink at the confused expression on her face. “It wasn’t even a year.”

“Does it matter?”

“You’ll get thousands.”

“It doesn’t matter! I wanted all of his! I thought you of anyone would understand that. After all, you had Mason.”

Natalie tensed, Mikleo staring at her. She wrapped her arms around herself, glaring at him. “That wasn’t the same.”

“But you loved him.”

Natalie shook her head. “There’s a difference.”

“What difference is there?!”

“We had centuries! We were older! You’re still a child!”

Mikleo bristled at that, curling his fingers more tightly into his jacket. “I’m not.”

“You’re in your twenties. You haven’t lived long enough.”

“I’m not the little kid that you remember!” He saw her recoil at that, Mikleo pushing onward before she could interrupt him again. “I’ve changed. I might not have centuries, but I have experience enough. I know how this world works, I see it every day. I know how cruel and kind humans can be and I know what malevolence feels like. Why do I have to wait centuries before I can own up to that experience?”

She stared at him, her mouth falling over. Mikleo eyed her carefully before shaking his head. “You want to know why I keep Selene here? Yes, it’s because I’m afraid of what will happen when they find out Selene is Sorey’s. I know just how cruel they can be and she won’t understand why they are like that. She only knows the few she’s met.

“Even if everything was perfect I still wouldn’t take her down there because she’s coming into her element. There are times the earth shakes enough to worry me. Imagine what would happen if there were humans around. They would be terrified. And I don’t want any injuries that could happen on Selene’s conscience. We’re waiting until she has better control over her artes.”

Natalie shook her head slowly. “Will you let her go though?”

“YES! Because that’s what she wants. She wants to see the world, even if it’s just Kylfe at first and I intend to show her that. I fought for that. I lost the ones I love for that and I’m not going to hold her back!” Mikleo laughed, pushing a hand up through his bangs. “What do you think I’ve been doing all this time?!”

“I don’t know.” She bit her lip, her gaze shifting away. Mikleo turned to follow her gaze, tensing when he realized that she was staring at the mountain. “Whenever what I asked her what the two of you were doing, she always mentioned going to Elsyia.”

“Of course, because Great Lords forbid she knows anything about her family.” Mikleo let his hand drop back to his side with a sigh. He could still feel the anger rolling through him, but he felt exhausted by the argument and the earlier drag of his black mood. “I might not remember anything about them, but I’m not going to let those memories stay with me. And I least I’m trying. How much have you and Melody told her about them?”

From the way Natalie winced, the answer was nothing. She kept her gaze on the mountain, Mikleo feeling a sharp pulse of victory before he noticed the way her shoulders her shaking. He took a step back, staring at his sister.

He hadn’t meant to make her cry, he was just tired of her glaring at him every time he mentioned Sorey. He had just wanted to try and explain his side of things before this had gone on for so long and started to affect Selene. He had just wanted to know that Natalie didn’t only see the young seraph he had been.

Mikleo reached out for her, jerking his hand back when Natalie turned to look at him. She sniffed and wiped her sleeve across her eyes. “How can you stand it up there?”

He could only shrug. “Someone has to take care of it. And I feel closer to them there.” Mikleo fumbled with his words for a moment before sighing. “It’s the only place where they have a physical presence and it’s easier to talk about them. It’s easier for Selene to connect with them.”

Natalie huffed, opening her mouth like she was going to make one of her comments. Mikleo tensed, ready to argue against what she was saying when Natalie stopped. His sister looked at him for a moment before shaking her head. “I don’t understand you. I wish I did. It would make things easier.”

Mikleo looked away, picking at the front of his jacket. It wasn’t an apology, but it wasn’t a comment or another part to the argument. He could be happy enough with that.

He swallowed, letting the quiet sit between them for a moment before speaking again. “It’s not that hard to understand.”

Natalie looked at him, narrowing her eyes. “And you understand me so completely?”

He flinched at the question, not even trying to hide it. She was right again, and he tried to ignore how it rankled. There was no point in denying that she was right, because he hadn’t been making the effort. He’d just been pushing forward because he’d been sure that he was right. Mikleo was still sure that he was right, because he was the one around Selene the most. Still, there was no reason that he couldn’t give, not when it meant keeping the two remaining members of his family close. After everything else that had happened, he wasn’t going to risk losing them.

Mikleo closed his eyes, taking a few deep, calming breaths before he opened them again. “No, but I’m willing to make the effort.”

It was the only olive branch that he could offer, because Mikleo still wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t yank everything else away from him if she made the offer first. He could understand why she had disliked Sorey, but that was as far as he was willing to stretch. He bit his lip, glancing back at the house.

He turned away when he saw Selene creeping out, a stack of books clutched against her chest. Mikleo smiled at her, tempted to wave to show that they were alright, but he didn’t want to lie to Selene like that. He was sure that she had heard some of the shouting, and that she would be asking him about it as soon as they got a spare moment together. He intended to tell her the truth, or as much of it as he could afford. Selene had enough to worry about without having to bear the weight of knowing that her father was the last emperor of Rolance.

She slowed down as she stepped into the street, looking between the two of them. Mikleo felt bad for the worry on her face, wanting to rush over to her, but he wasn’t going to herd her away from Natalie, not when they already spent such little time together.

Mikleo shifted in place, giving in a moment later. Argument or not, Selene came first and he wouldn’t delay his promises to her any longer. “When the two of you are done, we need to talk.”

“I thought we just did.”

“No, about Selene. There are some things that I…I need help on.”

He saw her eyebrows lift in surprise, Natalie watching him for a moment before she nodded. She reached out to touch his shoulder, Mikleo relaxing into the touch. He sighed when she gave it a squeeze, turning to look at her.

Natalie gave him a smile. It wasn’t quite as wide as it had been, but there was something more like he remembered from his days back in Elysia. It made her look more like Natalie and less like a stranger. It made him wonder what he looked like to her.

He turned his head to burrow into the collar of the coat, chasing after Sorey’s scent for a moment. He gave up when it wasn’t there, looking up to meet Natalie’s gaze.

For a moment the familiar anger was back, but then it turned into something else, something softer. He swallowed, about to look away when Natalie gave him a nod. “Let’s really talk in a bit.”

There was nothing he could do but nod, watching as Natalie walked back towards Selene. Just beyond her, he could see Selene watching them with wide eyes.

He was going to have to talk to her as soon as Natalie was gone, just to reassure her that everything was alright. It was one less thing that she could stress over. There was even a chance that Natalie would start to ease the worry while Selene showed off what she had learned for herself. And maybe Natalie would be able to teach her things that he had never learned.

Mikleo smiled to himself, watching as Selene and Natalie went off, the tight knot that had formed in his stomach easing. His dark mood wasn’t quite lifted but at least something good had come out of it.

It felt like he had finally gotten his sister back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The true name that Mikleo gives to Selene is Fwilkuj Hosowu which, when you run it through one of the Ancient Tongue to English ciphers floating around, comes out as Promised Future.


	5. Chapter 4

“I take the children to church on Sunday  
A sign of the cross at the door  
And I pray  
That never used to happen before.”  
- _It’s Quiet Uptown_ , Hamilton

* * *

 

Ladylake’s shrinechurch was an imposing structure, rising high above the city. Mikleo was sure that no building could dwarf it. Not even the great waterwheel could manage it. Mikleo tipped his head further back to get a better look at the top, not managing it before his arm was pulled. He looked back down, smiling as Selene leaned away from him, putting her whole weight behind the motion. “Mikleo, come on….”

“Alright, alright.” Mikleo laughed and took a step forward, keeping his pace slow even as Selene tried to drag him faster. “Let me look, Selene. It’s the whole point of us being here.”

“But the outside is boring!” Selene turned her head to pout at him. “The inside is prettier. Everything says so.”

“Does it?”

Selene groaned, practically bouncing in place as she tried to pull him onward. “Canarvon’s _A History of Hyland_ and Darcy’s _Great Houses of Hyland_ both say that the inside is the best part.”

“Ah, but the Celestial Record says that the whole thing is a triumph.”

That got Selene to stop, Mikleo trying not to laugh as she opened and shut her mouth. She floundered for words for a moment before snapping her mouth shut. “It’s cheating to bring up the Celestial Record.”

“Does it not count anymore?”

“Of course it does!” Selene huffed, giving up on pulling him forward. “But you’ve read it more than me, so of course you know it better. You’ve read all the notes too.”

Mikleo finally stepped forward, watching as Selene broke into a grin. She took off for the entrance, Mikleo taking his time to follow her. She would probably rush around before coming back to him. She would return with excitement and stories, and he felt safe enough letting her roam. The Ladylake shrinechurch was far safer than the ruins on the mountain. A shrinechurch was less likely to have pitfall traps.

He sighed, reaching back to fix his ponytail. It took a two tugs to get it back into place, his fingers skimming over it until he reached the golden ornament. He checked to see if it was secure and still in place, Mikleo feeling calm settle over him as he nudged it back into position. He let his fingers linger on the edges of the feathers. It was a silly thing, but he couldn’t stop himself from checking on it. The hair ornament was precious to him and he didn’t want to lose it.

Mikleo shook his head and walked up the steps into the shrinechurch. He stepped through the doors, tipping his head to look up at the ceiling. He scanned over it, trying to pick out the parts that had been mentioned by the books that he and Selene had read. He could see some of them clearly, but the rest were just a jumble of words in his head. Mikleo frowned, frustrated at himself.

He knew the terms, he had spent so many years reading them over both to Selene and to himself. They were a part of how he saw the world now, little things to look for to pick out pieces of history. It was something that he had never thought that he had be interested in, but it had given him a way to show Selene around and it brought him closer to Sorey.

He sucked in a deep breath, holding it at the sudden rush of hurt. It only took a moment, and then he was exhaling slowly, trying to push the worst of it away. It would never really go away, but he could make it more manageable. He could make sure all those notes scrawled in margins and around pictures didn’t go to waste. He could see the world that Sorey had never gotten to see, visit the ruins that Sorey had always dreamed visiting. It wouldn’t bring Sorey back, but it was a way to make him live again.

Mikleo closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths before turning his attention back down to the nave of the shrinechurch. People moved through it, some of them gathering at the front to pray while the others moved in the aisle behind the columns as they looked around the shrinechurch. Mikleo scanned over them all before he found Selene standing in one of the splashes of color.

He smiled as she moved through the light that the stained glass windows threw on the floor. Selene was bathed in blue, then green, then yellow as she moved along that side of the church.

Mikleo took a step back, leaning is shoulder against one of the great columns as she walked down the aisle, her eyes wide with wonder. It was a sight that he would never get tired of seeing.

Mikleo smiled, content to watch Selene explore. She would come back with things she wanted him to see and then they could get a good look around the shrinechurch together. They had to at least pretend that part of this visit was for Selene’s school report.

His moment of quiet contemplation was interrupted but a fire-bright presence. Mikleo turned his head, going still as he spotted Lailah out of the corner of his eye.

It was obvious that she had come over because she had recognized him, and that was the problem. Selene would be back eventually and there was no way that Lailah wouldn’t recognize her. She had known that he was pregnant, and it wouldn’t take much to make the connection, not with the way that Selene acted around him and how she looked.

Then again, there was no evidence that Lailah would do anything. He had only met her twice, once when she and the others had caught up to him and Sorey, and again at his purification. Natalie had filled in a few other details, and he trusted his sister. But it wasn’t enough to make the worry go away.

He cleared his throat, settling for giving Lailah a nod. She returned it, folding her hands delicately in front of her. “It’s been a while, Mikleo. It’s good to see you.”

“A-and you.” Mikleo bit his lip at the waver in his voice. He took a deep breath, pushing onwards. “Are Rose and the others here?”

Lailah shook her head. “They’ve been handling the problems caused by the flooding. They’ve been in and out of the old aqueduct and around the lake all day. Fire isn’t really suited to that kind of work. So I have a few hours off.” She looked around the shrinechurch before her gaze settled on him again. “And what about you? Natalie said that you’re always busy with different projects, so I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“There’s only so much I can do to the house before it’s too much. And there’s only so much training and studying I can do, especially when Amenoch isn’t around. And he’s usually making runs back to Lohgrin.”

“Oh, so he found you? Good.” Lailah reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “He found us on the rounds and asked about water seraphim. I hope you don’t mind the recommendation.”

Mikleo shook his head. He had been shocked when one of the Great Lords had shown up at his front door and even more so when Amenoch had explained the situation to him.

There were only three Great Lords left. Eumacia had left on her own and Musiphe had just dissolved away under the sudden power imbalance. The other Great Lords were trying to balance things out and they’d had some success if the feel of the Earthpulse was anything to go by. Mikleo didn’t know what slot had been filled, but he supposed that it didn’t matter, just as long as they were safe. His purpose was less vital, he was being prepared in case the worst happened. Mikleo wasn’t sure how likely that was considering how worn out Amenoch always looked, but the Great Lord never seemed to waver. He was sure that it was better that they were prepared than to be left floundering again.

He took a deep breath, shifting where he was leaning against the pillar. “It’s a lot, but nothing I can’t handle. He’s off most of the time for some reason or another.”

“I see…” Lailah trailed off, Mikleo hoping that it was the end of the conversation.

He glanced over at the other side of the shrinechurch, watching as Selene moved around one of the pillars. Mikleo expected her to keep on going, but she turned and waved to him. Mikleo automatically waved back, freezing at the soft intake of breath he heard from Lailah.

“Oh my.” Mikleo looked over to see Lailah press both her hands to her mouth, his heart starting to pound.

There was no way to deny who Selene was waving at, and it was even worse because Lailah _knew_. He wasn’t sure what he could do to divert her attention. He licked his lips, desperate to pull her attention away from Selene.

“I found her…by the old shrine. There must be an Earthpulse point or something there.” Mikleo fumbled over the words, the familiar story feeling awkward again.

He swallowed, looking at Lailah for any hint to what she was thinking. It was hard to tell because Lailah was watching Selene. Then, abruptly, she turned towards him. From the expression on her face, she had seen through everything.

She **_KNEW_**.

Mikleo took a step back, not sure if he wanted to try and bluff his way through it all or just grab Selene and run. He tensed when his back brushed up against the column, Mikleo hating how trapped it make him feel.

Selene wasn’t a threat, despite her parents. She was just a young seraph, she had done nothing wrong.

He gave her another glance over his shoulder before shifting again so his back was to Selene. He wasn’t sure what he would do, but he wouldn’t let Lailah get to her.

He held his ground, watching as Lailah’s gaze flicked between him and Selene. Then her expression softened. “I see. That would certainly keep you busy. How old is she?”

Mikleo was taken aback by it all, the question and Lailah’s expression. He waited a moment, sure that the other shoe would fall, but Lailah just waited patiently. He shifted in place before giving in. “She’s six.”

“Six.” Lailah hummed. “A very young seraph. It’s been a while since we had one. And with an affinity for earth. No wonder Natalie was asking Edna so many questions. Did you have any problems?”

Mikleo shook his head, slightly unnerved by the questions. It felt like she was trying to put him at ease, but he almost wished that she wouldn’t try. She seemed genuinely interested in Selene and he couldn’t figure out why.

Lailah allowed him to keep the silence for a moment more before nodding and turning her attention away from Selene. Mikleo relaxed slightly, shifting so he could see Selene again.

She didn’t seem to have realized anything had happened. She had moved away from the pillar and started to walk to the front of the shrinechurch, her head tipped back as she stared at the ceiling. Mikleo watched her carefully until he was sure that she was safe. Then his attention moved to Lailah when she cleared her throat.

“So, what brings the two of you to Ladylake?”

Mikleo hesitated, looking Lailah over. She didn’t seem to be a threat. Everything about her, from her scent to her body language read as neutral. Mikleo didn’t know if that was just Lailah or if the alpha was making an effort. He started at her for a moment more before giving in with a small nod. “We’re here for a report. That and to get away from the construction down the hill.”

Lailah stared at him in incomprehension before her eyes widened. “Kylfe?”

Mikleo nodded. “The people at least.”

Lailah sighed, Mikleo surprised when the seraph slumped. “We had visited the village earlier, and we were worried when it was completely flooded out. We didn’t know where the people had gone or if they had all gotten out. There was just a note that said things were taken care of.”

“They came up the mountain when the flooding first started. Mostly I think it was because they felt safe close to a water seraph.” Mikleo shrugged. “I went with them when the worst was over but…you’ve seen it. There’s no way to ensure their safety, not with where the village is built.”

“So you invited them to stay?”

Mikleo nodded, watching Lailah out of the corner of his eyes. “They needed the help and I…I don’t want Selene growing up afraid of humans. She needs to know what they can do, but not fear them. I don’t want her to spend her whole life isolating herself.”

“Very wise.” Despite the serious look on her face, Lailah’s tone was light. “I wish some seraphim were as ready to accept change as you are.”

Mikleo shrugged. “It’s what we fought for. I don’t want that going to waste.”

“No, it shouldn’t.” Lailah reached out to pat his shoulder, Mikleo surprised by the touch. He turned to look at her, his eyes widening as the smile on her face. “I think Sorey would be proud too.”

“You…” Mikleo swallowed and looked at the ground. It was one thing to know it and say it to himself, but it was another thing to hear it from someone else.

Lailah patted his shoulder. “I might not have known him as well as the others, but I hear them talk about him. They all agree that this was what he wanted. It’s just a shame that malevolence took him before he could see it all.”

Mikleo closed his eyes, waiting for his usual spike of anger, but it never came. It hadn’t raised its head in years. Besides, Lailah was right. It had been too late for Sorey long before Lailah and the others had caught up with them, he just hadn’t allowed himself to see it.

He reached up to touch her hand, patting it awkwardly. “Thank you.”

Lailah nodded, stepping closer to him. “One day other people will see it too. But for now…you’re not alone.”

Mikleo felt his words catch in his throat, having to work to get a single one out. “Why?”

It wasn’t everything that Mikleo had wanted to say, it was vague and covered too much, but Lailah seemed to understand anyway.

She squeezed his shoulder and stepped away. Mikleo watched her go before following after her. They walked down the side aisle, Mikleo watching the light from the stained glass windows play over her face.

She considered the question for a moment longer before dropping her gaze. “I love being a Prime Lord. It makes me feel like I have a purpose and it lets me see the world anew every time. But it also means that I get know my Shepherds; their hopes and their dreams and, too often, I’m the only one left holding onto them when my Shepherds die. Humans always dream so wide, so big for what time they have. Sometimes they’re lucky and they accomplish everything. Most of the time, we’re the ones left to carry them out. It’s a heavy burden, but I don’t mind it, because it means they never truly die.”

Mikleo wrapped his arms around himself, holding tight. “How do you do it?”

Lailah shook her head. “I just keep going. I’m luckier than most I guess, because I sometimes have a Squire to look after, or because I know that there’s a high chance of them coming back. It takes time, but Shepherds sometimes become seraphim.”

Mikleo stopped dead in his tracks, staring at Lailah. He could feel his heart pounding quickly, but it sounded like it was far away. All he could think about was when he had met Maotelus and begged for his help. Maotelus had offered one solution and he had taken it because nothing else had seemed like it would work. Back then, he had been desperate for anything to help save his family. But there had been a brief and shining moment when Sorey had been a Shepherd, which meant that he might have a chance. After all, sometimes was better than never again.

He took a deep breath, about to ask Lailah about his chances when he stopped himself. Sorey had only been a Shepherd for a day. The next day he had become tainted. Mikleo wasn’t sure if it had been his fault or because Sorey was more open to malevolence after holding so much back for so long, but it didn’t matter because Sorey had gotten tainted. He’d never heard of a tainted Shepherd. The only thing close to that was a Lord of Calamity which made him shiver. Sorey might have resigned himself to being remembered like that, but Mikleo still didn’t like it. Besides, he didn’t know if a tainted Shepherd would come back.

Mikleo let go of his arms, staring down at his hands before dropping them back to his sides. It didn’t matter what he thought, it wouldn’t hurt to ask because this was important.

He wanted to see Sorey again so badly it hurt. The ache had scaled down over the years, but it had never disappeared. He wanted Sorey there with him to see the world, to watch Selene grow. He wanted to stop the slow fade of memories. He could barely remember what Sorey looked like, what he sounded like, what he smelled like.

He swallowed, looking at the altar on the other end of the shrinechurch. “Do…do you think that Sorey will come back?”

That got Lailah to stop in her tracks. She turned to look at him, Mikleo fighting back a whimper at the pity and remorse on her face. “Oh Mikleo, I-I don’t know. These things aren’t predictable, even when the Earthpulse isn’t clogged with malevolence like it is now. Even Shepherds may take centuries or not come back at all.”

Mikleo felt his hands shake, but he fought not to show it. He hadn’t gotten enough time to really get his hopes up, but it still hurt to have them squashed so soon. Of course it would be difficult, the world was still soaked in malevolence and it would take a while to be brought back to normal. And Sorey had never been a Shepherd, not really. He would have to resign himself to the inevitable. It was more important to focus on keeping their dream alive.

He closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths before looking up at Lailah again. “I thought as much.”

“Don’t give up hope, Mikleo. Stranger things have happened.”

Mikleo smiled at her, not bothering to comment on how Lailah didn’t seem to believe what she was saying. She was just trying to cheer him up, for reasons that were beyond him. She didn’t know him, not really, but he appreciated the effort.

He stepped forward, moving out from the aisle and into the nave. Mikleo looked at the end of the shrinechurch, contemplating the altar there. The symbol of Maotelus had been carved into the stone there, but Mikleo doubted that Maotelus was in residence. There was no way that he could be in all the shrinechurches scattered around Glenwood. That didn’t stop the humans to praying to him and the other Great Lords, not did it stop them from hearing the prayers. And, for a moment, he was tempted to add his own to the mix.

Then Selene was barreling back into him, Mikleo staggering with the force behind her. He was too used to it to fall over, but he did have to brace himself against a column. He looked down at Selene, catching sight of her wide smile before he was grabbing his hand and starting to tug him away. “Come on, I found something cool that you need to see.”

“Do I need to see it, or do you need a boost to see it?”

Selene pouted up at him, the expression only lasting a moment before it was gone. She squeaked and scrambled back to his side, Mikleo watching her tuck herself under his coat before turning to look at what had startled her.

Lailah paused behind him, glancing between him and Selene before gently smoothing her skirt around her legs. She dropped into a crouch, smiling at Selene.

Mikleo twisted to look at his daughter, watching as she peeked out from underneath his coat. Her fingers curled tightly into it as Selene leaned out. Selene glanced up at him, whispering up at him. “It’s the Lady of the Lake.”

“Yes. She’s a friend of Natalie’s.”

Selene’s eyes widened, Mikleo catching a string of sounds that could have been words before she ducked back under his coat. Mikleo sighed and reached down to pat her head. “It’s alright. She’s nice.”

It took Selene a moment longer to peek out, but she didn’t say anything. Mikleo was sure that her eyes were just as wide as before. It was enough for him to consider nudging her out, but he wouldn’t do that. She would eventually get over her surprise and go back to being her talkative self. For now, it was alright for her to stick close to him.

Lailah chuckled, resting her hands on her knees. “Hello, Selene. I heard you were doing a report on the shrinechurch.” She paused long enough for Selene to nod. “Well then, I was wondering if you wanted a special tour.”

Selene gasped, nodding faster before stepping out from under Mikleo’s coat. She took a step towards Lailah before turning to look back at Mikleo. “You’re going to come too, right?”

“Of course.”

That seemed to be enough to satisfy Selene because she edged closer to Lailah, only startling back when the seraph stood up. Selene looked over Lailah for a moment before holding out her hand.

The motion baffled Lailah for a moment before she took it, gently starting to guide her towards the dais at the end of the shrinechurch. Mikleo let the two of them getting a little bit ahead of him, wanting to take a chance to get a good look of the shinechurch himself. It was a beautiful place. Everything he had read had called it a triumph, and Sorey’s notes had waxed poetical about it and he wanted to see what everyone was talking about.

He started after them, slowing down as he crossed the nave of the shrinechurch. He looked at the people kneeling in front the dais, all of them praying with the same measure of concentration. Mikleo felt a pull towards them, some part of him wanting to seek out the peace that he could see on their faces, but he was sure that he wouldn’t find it there. He knew where to seek it out, and it was in his own tasks and with Selene.

That didn’t stop him from ducking his head, lowering his gaze to the floor as he whispered under his breath. “If you can, bring him back. Please.”

He paused for a moment, waiting for some kind of surety that one of the Great Lords had heard him or if his request had been refused. Instead there was nothing.

Mikleo glanced around with a sigh before shaking his head. He turned away from the altar and started after Selene and Lailah, chasing after the one way he knew to bring himself peace.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place during the Epilogue of All Glory Ends in Night, the day after Selene and Mikleo bumped into Sorey and Boris.

“If I could spare his life  
If I could trade his life for mine  
He’d be standing here right now  
And you would smile, and that would be enough.”  
- _It’s Quiet Uptown_ , Hamilton

* * *

 

Pendrago’s rooftops shone in the setting sun as Mikleo leaned on the battlements of the royal precinct. He looked down at the bustling city below, watching as people scuttled back to their homes or out to the pubs. It was a slow trickle, like a lazy summer stream. Mikleo hummed and rested his chin on his arms.

He remembered walking the walls late at night and early in the morning when he had been waiting for the humans. What he couldn’t remember was if he’d paid attention. Mikleo frowned, tipping his head to the side. He remembered dodging the guards and pacing impatiently, but he didn’t think that he ever took a moment just to look. Mikleo was sure he hadn’t had the patience for that. He hadn’t had the time for much at all.

Mikleo sighed and stood up straight, leaning against one of the crenellations. He almost regretted it now, because Pendrago was beautiful. Maybe if he had seen that sooner he could have done something. Or maybe listening to stories about Sorey all day had made him nostalgic. It was probably the latter, but Mikleo didn’t feel up to chasing the feeling away. It was a nice feeling to bask in, especially when it didn’t come with the edge of anger and sorrow that he was used to coming with any mention of Sorey.

He closed his eyes, soaking in the heat of the day from the surrounding stones. The whole evening felt like the sunset, warm and slightly fuzzy around the edges. It was a good feeling, especially after such a long day.

He tipped his head as he heard someone walking up onto the wall. Mikleo sighed and opened his eyes, smiling as he saw Melody approaching him. She gave him a small wave, tucking herself against the crenellation on the other side, giving him a smile.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Mikleo shifted so he was facing her, feeling too lazy to do anything else. Melody seemed to do the same because she stretched her arms above her head and leaned back.

She turned to study the city for a long moment, Mikleo almost tempted to follow her gaze, but he was content to remain where he was. He only looked back at her when Melody made a soft sound.

“Is Selene around?”

Mikleo shook his head, gesturing over his shoulder towards the palace. He turned his head to look at the window of the room that Selene was in. He could feel the gentle pulse of her presence, the feeling enough to keep him relaxed. “She’s in there, sleeping. It’s all been a bit much for her between journey here and everything that we’ve been doing.”

Melody leaned over to look at the window, studying it carefully for a moment before nodding and rocking back into position. “That would be enough to tire anyone out.” She ran her fingers over the stone of the battlements. “I heard you met with Boris and Sergei today.”

“We did.” Mikleo looked back over the city, scanning over the rooftops before shaking his head. He couldn’t pick out the place they had met, at least not from this angle.

He shifted, resting an arm on the battlement. “It was good and it answered all of Selene’s questions. I got something out of it too. I only really know about one year of Sorey’s life and they knew so much more about him.”

“That’s good, she’s always been curious.” Melody smiled at him before stretching her arms above her head. She groaned as she lowered her arms again. “To be honest, I didn’t even know the two of you were in Pendrago until Boris told me.”

“It was supposed to be just a short visit. The library here requested some things that I had and Selene had never seen Pendrago. I should have calculated that she would get exhausted. She was after her visit to Ladylake.” Mikleo took a deep breath. “But I don’t mind. It gives me time to just…”

“Process it all?” Melody shot him a smile before Intersidling closer. “I don’t blame you. You’ve been busy, or so I’ve heard.”

Mikleo shrugged. It didn’t feel like he was busy, at least not anymore. He had gotten used to the stretch in his domain now that the people of Kylfe had settled and built their new village. The training with Amenoch wasn’t as hard either, although Mikleo was sure that Amenoch was almost done with him. The Great Lord’s visits were slowly starting to trail off and Mikleo wasn’t sure which one of them was more relieved.

He rubbed the back of his neck, considering his other duties before gently pushing them away. Kylfe would hold until he got back. One of the seraphim that Amenoch had coaxed away from Lohgrin had temporarily taken over his duties as Lord of the Land while he was gone. Nimue would be able to hold the domain far beyond any length of time he intended on staying. Mikleo was free for the first time in years and he almost didn’t know what to do with himself.

They still had a few days in Pendrago. Selene was insisting that they visit some of the big sites, and Sergei had dropped intriguing hints while they had talked. There weren’t many of Sorey’s things left in the palace, save for the things too big to move over land to him. Anything that was on display he wasn’t sure he wanted to see anyway. The more important thing would be to do was go out among the people. It would only be a short survey of the people because he’d only be able to look at Pendrago, but it was the best way to check the pulse of the empire. Besides, it was what Sorey would have done.

He dropped his gaze back to street, watching as a couple herded their children back home. It was something he would have expected to see from the start of Sorey’s reign, back when Pendrago was settling back into something like normal. It was nothing like the last glimpses of Pendrago he had gotten. They had been terrified then.

Mikleo flinched, pressing his fingers into the stone before relaxing. They’d been right to be terrified, that had been the whole point, but something in him wished that they hadn’t had to be.

He tipped his head to the side, watching the rush of people with a smile on his face. They weren’t frightened now, and that was something. Mikleo wouldn’t call everything solved, but it was moving in the right direction.

Mikleo watched the family until they had disappeared out of his line of sight. He sighed and shifted so he was leaning on the battlements more comfortably.

He glanced over at his sister as Melody hummed. She seemed to be watching something else in the city, Mikleo not putting it past her to be checking in with Boris or some of the others. Her distraction only lasted a moment longer, Melody blinking and looking back at him. “It’s peaceful, isn’t it?”

“There were nights like this before. But I didn’t pay attention to them.”

“Too busy.” Melody gave him a smile, Mikleo dropping his gaze.

“Something like that.” Mikleo leaned out a little further watching the people go about their business. Some sounds carried up, a smile crossing his face at the sound of laughter rising up from the streets.

He heard Melody sigh, not daring to look back at her. He focused on the stone instead, tracing the imperfections. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Melody moved closer. Mikleo leaned into her as Melody pressed against his shoulder. “Do you ever talk about that time to anyone?”

Mikleo swallowed and shook his head. That didn’t seem to be the answer that she was looking for. He watched as her fingers tapped out a rhythm on the stone before they stopped. “Mikleo…”

“Who can I talk to?” Mikleo shrugged. “Most people won’t believe what I have to say about him. They like their image of an evil emperor because it makes all of this look like progress. And that’s important, right?”

“It is…” Melody shifted forward, mirroring his position. Mikleo turned his head slightly, wanting to watch her expression. She looked like she was thinking hard about something. She eventually shook her head. “But where does that leave you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then what about Sergei or Boris?”

Mikleo shook his head. “The rest is private. It’s not something that I’d share.”

Melody sighed and leaned forward. She remained that way for a while before shoot him a look. “So you’re just going to keep it all to yourself? Even from her?”

Mikleo didn’t have to follow Melody’s gaze to know that she was looking at the room Selene was in. He swayed in place before giving in with a nod. “Yeah, but you knew this.”

“I did, but I thought it would be a few years. You’re talking about keeping this from her for the rest of her life. That’s a long time, Mikleo.”

Mikleo bit his lip, feeling her gaze on his shoulder. He expected something like judgement, something more like the looks that Natalie gave him before she remembered what they had agreed on. But Melody didn’t do that, her look wasn’t as harsh and it was softened by the hand that rested on his arm.

He looked down at it before leaning close. He was relieved that Melody seemed to understand. He leaned against her quietly for a moment before shaking his head. “I should have told her before but, it was more important to keep her safe and then…She has this look now whenever anyone talks about Sorey. And I don’t think I could tell her about it now, she wouldn’t believe me. I’ve told her something different so many times... And what if it’s safer for her like this?”

Melody made a comforting sound. “What do you think is best?”

“I don’t know.” Mikleo reached up to push his bangs back. “I’ve been making most of this up as we go.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Isn’t it?”

Melody shook her head. “None of us knew what we were doing when we were raising you.”

Mikleo tipped his head to the side to give her that, but it didn’t quite help. He had been hoping for something a little more concrete but, then again, it had been what he’d been getting from Natalie and the villagers alike. Apparently no one really knew what they were doing.

He sighed and leaned forward slightly. Pendrago had finally settled for the night, Mikleo watching the city. He scanned over the roofs before looking out over the countryside. From his position on the wall he could barely see the heads of the wheat waving in the fields beyond the city. More importantly the air felt different now. The malevolence wasn’t completely gone from the world, but it was lessening, especially around Pendrago. It didn’t quite feel like the work of a Shepherd alone, which meant that there was a seraph acting as Lord of the Land close by. It wasn’t like it had been before, but it was a step in the right direction

Mikleo leaned forward more, taking a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “Sorey would be proud. I wish he was here to see this.”

He felt Melody’s hand twitch on his arm, Mikleo ducking his head. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, feeling his stomach twist when she lifted her hand away from him completely.

His sister was silent as she stepped away from him, Mikleo turning to look at her. Melody wrapped her arms around herself, staring out into the distance.

It took her a while to come back to herself, and even then she just gave Mikleo a sad smile. “I can’t help but think, sometimes, that it would have been better for you if he’d lived.”

“Melody-”

“It’s not often but, if things had been different…”

Mikleo was relieved that she didn’t finish her thought, because some part of him didn’t want to know. He didn’t know if it was because it would reveal what Melody had been thinking about or if it would be because the temptation would be too much to ignore.

He reached back to steady himself on the battlement, curling his fingers against the stone. He watched Melody for a moment longer before shaking his head. “Melody, I miss him. I don’t think that there will be a day that I don’t but…but it’s better now. It’s alright. _I’m_ alright.”

Mikleo froze as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He saw Melody’s eyes widen, not sure how to take her expression. The words were just cycling around in his head, moving so fast that they almost didn’t make sense. Because he had meant them, every part of them.

He always said something similar or shrugged off the questions that his sisters had asked him, because he hadn’t wanted to bother them. Mikleo was sure that they had always been able to tell. It had always been a way to move the conversation away from the topics that he didn’t want to talk about.

He licked his lips, turning over the words in his head one more time before looking up “I…I’m alright. I really am. I…”

Mikleo couldn’t get the words out, sure that he would just keep repeating the same things over and over again. He just started at Melody, watching as she nodded. She took a step forward, looking him over before pulling him into a tight hug. Mikleo was quick to reach out for her, curling his fingers into her blouse and holding her close. He took a deep breath, using Melody’s familiar scent to ground himself.

She stroked her hands down his back, Mikleo catching an edge of a laugh in her voice. “I’m glad. I’m so glad.”

Mikleo squeezed her close for a moment longer before letting go, reluctant to pull away completely. Thankfully, Melody stayed pressed close to him. He huffed as she reached for him, letting her push his bangs back. She played with his hair for a moment before tucking a piece of hair back behind his ear.

She took a moment to pat his cheek before turning around to leaning on the battlements again. Mikleo trailed after her, leaning his shoulder against the crenellation. He knew that he would have to go inside, but he wasn’t quite ready for that. The book he had brought along didn’t have the same appeal as watching the sun set over the city. He wanted to indulge himself in what they had worked for just a little while longer.

He took a deep breath of the clear air, looking out over the city.

Sorey _would_ be proud, and that thought was enough to make him smile.

END


End file.
